Imagine two product designers, Maya and Luis, both mid-level and working side-by-side. In Monday’s stand-up you say:

“Let’s give marketing a deck by Friday that really shows the workflow.”

Maya (a native speaker) hears slide deck.

Luis, whose first language is Spanish, hears technical deck—industry slang at his last job for a clickable prototype.

• Tuesday & Wednesday: Maya polishes 25 slides. Luis codes a basic Figma prototype.
• Thursday afternoon: they discover the duplication in a review meeting—and each feels the other “ignored clear instructions.”
  

In the hallway afterward, sparks fly. Maya vents to you first:

“He wasted half the sprint! I’m furious.”

Common — but Inefficient — Ways We Respond

Before we replay the scene, let’s spotlight seven reactions that pop out of our mouths when someone shares strong feelings. They’re tempting because they feel helpful, efficient, or intellectually interesting—but they rarely comfort the person in pain.

Denial / Minimizing

The first impulse many of us have is to wave a hand and say, “It’s not that bad.” Unfortunately, brushing off a colleague’s frustration—however well-intentioned—communicates that their emotions are silly or overblown. Instead of calming them, you’ve doubled their burden: they still feel upset and now feel foolish for even mentioning it.

Philosophy / Lecturing

Cue the armchair sage: “Life is imperfect; learn to roll with it.” While the sentiment might hold philosophical truth, delivering a life lesson in the heat of someone’s pain can sound smug. It places you above the problem, offering zero empathy and leaving the speaker feeling small.

Advice-Giving

Most of us are natural fixers. We fire off solutions—“Just do X, Y, Z…”—within seconds. The snag? Advice offered before emotions are acknowledged lands as condescending or irrelevant. Until a person feels heard, they aren’t ready for blueprints and bullet points.

Rapid-Fire Questions

Another trap is detective mode. We start grilling: “Did you clarify the scope? Why didn’t you ask sooner?” Questions push the spotlight back on the upset person, forcing them to defend every choice instead of exploring their feelings. You’ve turned an emotional share into an interrogation.

Defense of the Other Person

Sometimes we rush to protect the absent party: “Luis is under so much pressure.” Context matters—but leading with it suggests you’re taking sides against the person who’s hurting. Their feelings get sidelined in favor of someone else’s circumstances.

Pity

“Oh, you poor thing!” sounds caring at first blush, yet pity places the speaker on a pedestal. Rather than standing beside your colleague, you’re looking down with sad eyes. It strips them of agency and may even amplify their sense of weakness.

Key takeaway:

None of these habits are malicious; they’re simply automatic. Swap them for genuine listening, a quick acknowledgment of feelings (“I can see you’re really frustrated”), a clear name for the emotion (“That’s a lot of pressure”), and, if you like, a brief “wish in a fantasy” (“I wish we could rewind and avoid this mix-up altogether”). Empathy first, solutions second.

A Simple Four-Step Strategy for Responding to Feelings

1. Listen with full attention
   
   • Face the person, silence notifications, keep eye contact (or an affirming nod in video).
2. Acknowledge the feeling with words
   
   • “I hear how disappointed you are.” “Sounds like you’re really stressed.”
3. Name the feeling
   
   • “That’s frustration mixed with worry about the deadline, right?”
4. Offer the wish in a fantasy
   
   • “I bet you wish we could rewind Monday, write a crystal-clear spec, and save all that effort.”
     

This tiny fantasy signals that you understand what they wanted—and that you’re on their side. Only after these steps does advice or troubleshooting land gently and productively.

When peers honor each other’s emotions first, even ESL misunderstandings become chances to refine language, processes, and trust—rather than fuel for the next hallway blow-up.

Why Empathy Works

When someone truly listens—without fixing, judging, or diagnosing—most of us:

• Cool down faster. Stress hormones drop once we feel understood.
• Think more clearly. With emotions validated, the rational brain comes back online.
• Own our piece. We can spot missteps (e.g., ambiguous wording) without shame.
  

Maya, after being heard, might say:

“I guess deck was ambiguous. Next time I’ll write a one-line spec before we split tasks.”

Luis, hearing the same care, could add:

“I’ll repeat back deliverables in my own words to be sure.”

The team regains two days’ momentum simply by repairing the communication loop.

Use Pronounce AI to help you improve English pronunciation and fluency

If “deck” can mean slides to one designer and a clickable demo to another, imagine what else gets lost between accents. Record your speech in Pronounce AI, let it flag any confusing terms, pronunciation, and tweak your delivery on the spot. Next, practice the Maya-and-Luis conversation with the AI speaker until you can acknowledge feelings, name them, and clarify deliverables—all in one smooth exchange. Clearer speech, fewer mix-ups, happier peers. You can do it!